Have you ever been driving home and about 5 minutes away from your house the police pull you over for a suspended licence?, me too… aLl tHe tImE!!!!
Poor Adam…

Adam received a speeding ticket 2 weeks ago for driving 65 MPH in a 35 MPH zone, that’s right IBS… AKA “The Taco Bell butter burrito supreme” with the extra serving of beans!… AKAA “The Poopies”. Adam was just trying to get home as fast as he could and then he seen the flashing blue lights. The police officer pulled Adam over and listened to his reasons for speeding but didn’t really believe Adam’s story even though it was so true you could smell it , the officer gave Adam a ticket for big money and said “Have a nice day”. Adam watched the police officer as he followed him home; Adam was so mad but all he wanted to do was empty out, clean up, and change his soiled vic secretes.

Well time went on and Adam put off dealing with the driving school segment of his ticket until 2 days before it was due; Adam found a online ticket school that had an extra service to electronically file his driving class papers for his ticket, Adam didn’t have to bring the proof of his online class downtown or mail it in!… Score 1 for Adam. Adam’s ticket was all paid and the points were taken off his license or so he thought.

A week went by and Adam forgotten all about his ticket until he noticed another set of flashing blue lights behind him, the police again! Adam was pulled over for having a tail light out, no big deal. The police officer went to his car and returned to tell Adam that his license was suspended! Apparently the online driving school didn’t send the proof of the class in and the city suspended his license. The officer made Adam call one of his buddies to drive Adam’s car home for him.

Adam complained to the online driving school and they denied not sending it in. Adam talked to the city, they said they never received it. Adam had to pay the city big $money to get his license back and he was stuck with the points on his license.

Adam should have known this would happen, three weeks prior to all this his son Jerome took a poop on the hood of his car in the backyard; Adam thought to himself then… “This might mean something“.

It’s the first day of school and Adam’s boy Jerome starts pre-school. A boy’s first day of school is a special time… a time of play, laughter, wetting one’s self and tears. Adam’s boy did great on his first day of school, the second day was a little harder. The second day Jerome was scared and just wanted to go home, I feel the same way on Tuesdays except I do actually wet myself!

Adam’s boy Jerome told his teacher that he wanted to go home and had a crying session on her shoulder, the teacher called Adam’s wife to pick up Jerome. When Adam’s wife brought Jerome home she noticed that he smelled like the teacher’s perfume, this made Adam’s wife joke that Jerome was cheating on her by crying on another womans shoulder! Too cute

Adam hopes Jerome starts to like school soon since it costs more than $600 a month! $600 a month is a lot to most people and it is to Adam, too, but Adam loves his boy and will find the money somewhere… He is a great dad.
Public school isn’t the best start for a kid and Adam wants the best for his boy. Will Adam find a way to pay for the school before next months bill?, well the odds are good but the goods are odd.

So Adam had a collection agency leave him a message today, the message said “Call this number 555-555-5555, you owe money”…click! Adam had no idea what this was about, at first he thought it was a joke…(Example: “Knock knock” who’s there “You” You who? “F$&@ You!”) Adam called the number and the collection agency told him that the doctors office he’s been going to for his kid put him in collection. Adam was POed! Adam called the doctors office to complain.

The doctors office gave Adam an estimate for way way less then the bill they sent him. Adam asked the doctors office to give him a reason why there was such a big difference between his bill and the estimate and they still couldn’t give him a answer. Adam explained that he wanted to pay his bill, but he needs a reason for the extra hundreds of dollars… Adam isn’t made out of money (Quick Fact: Adam is made up of blood, water, truth, rage, and mint chocolate chip ice cream).
Adam asked if he could pay his bill in mint chocolate chip ice cream (Quick Fact: Just kidding).

Adam is now waiting on his doctors office to call him back for a solution.
Adam made this call already a few times with no success so hope is in the low but the light always seems to shine in our darkest hours, like a lit match on the ocean floor… Meh

Well they did call Adam an hour later and the doctors office fixed the billing issuse, the man on the phone made it out like it was a simple fix! Why was this so hard for them to figure out, poor Adam… At least this one has a happy ending, Adam saved over $1200!
All is good today, everything is coming up Adam.

Today Adam’s computer at home died from old age and smell. Adam was very sad since he had this machine for over ten years and computers cost $money!

Adam had a lot of parts from other computer that he could use to fix his broken machine so he went to work right away. It took Adam about 2 hours to get everything fixed but Adam didn’t notice the storm rolling in from the east … Only 10 min after Adam fixed his computer there was a wonderful power surge that murdered the hard drive!

Adam’s computer died, there was a nice service to remember it… Lots if crying and Adam screaming in binary code!

Adam discovered an old tree in his yard this weekend that started dropping branches like crazy. Adam told his wife about the tree and she demanded he cut the branches down before they kill someone.

Adam got out the ladder, already had the saw… Climbed up and started cutting. Adam had to start cutting at the top of the tree to circle around from where the birds are nesting to not disturb them.

Adam started sawing the branches off with success but then five minutes into it the birds got pissed! The birds started attacking Adam while he was in the tree. Adam tried to swat the birds away and lost his grip and forgot how to fly.

Adam fell about 14 feet not on his feet.
Once Adam fell on his ass the birds didn’t stop there, the birds attacked Adam and forced him back into his house. Adam decided after the bird attack that was that and the tree was trimmed enough.

When Adam awoke the next day he found the rest of the branches fell down in the middle of the night, not even where he was cutting. The tree was going to drop its branches that day anyway.

Poor Adam!

Have you ever stolen anything when you were a kid… Candy, a video game, or a CD player?

Well when Adam was just eight he learned the hard way. Adam and his buddy were in a big department store just being kids when his friend thought it would be fun to steal a CD player; to kids stealing is like going fishing…You don’t need to, but it’s just fun to hang out with your friends, talk loud, pee in the water, and drink until you vomit.

So the run down was Adam’s friend stuffing a CD player down his pants then proceeding to walk out of the store, the only problem here was that Adam didn’t know his friend took anything! As Adam and his friend were making their way out of the store they noticed a lot of people dressed in suits walking in the same direction as them but Adam didn’t realize they were security since he didn’t do anything wrong and his friend didn’t share with him that he was playing a CDs in pants. So when Adam and his friend got to the door they got a face full of well aged blackend gum soiled into the cold wet floor.

The police called Adam’s and his friend’s dad. Adam’s father was pissed to say the least! Dad said, “If I ever get a phone call like that again I won’t pick you up and you’re grounded for a month!”, Adam’s friend’s dad told him kids will be kids. Adam didn’t even do anything yet he got in more trouble than his friend.

Poor Adam trouble seemed to be following him since he was just a kid!

Poor Adam,
His broken electric box has prevented him from using his new drier for days, the drier didn’t match the wattage of the house so he’s been getting estimates to fix the electric box.

Well it’s about damn time! Adam recieved an estimate today to fix his eletric box… $400! All the other businesses wanted to charge him way over $2000, some said $5000! Adam did the electric boogaloo dance when he heard the good news.

Let’s see in the coming days if this works out. Hopefully this won’t effect something else in the house, come to find out the freezer gets all freaked out and turns into a microwave and murders his mint chocolate chip ice cream in a fit of blind rage.

So the equation is “Chocolate + Soda” = Violent vomiting and blindness!

Poor Adam,
Adam doesn’t mix well with certain foods and drinks. Adam told us a story today about one of his first dates with his wife when they were kids; it didn’t start well. Adam and his wife just stopped at a gas station and were in need of cool beverages; his wife got a Fresca and Adam got a Yoo-hoo. Yoo-hoo was one of Adam’s favorite drinks, WAS!
Adam took a few sips and almost instantly started having violent reactions, vomiting, shaking, poo leakage, and temporary blindness! Glad it wasn’t my car!

What the F was in that Yoo-hoo? Nothing but Yoo-hoo, Adam’s body decided then and there that it wasn’t having Yoo-hoo ever again.

Quick fact: it looks the same going out as in

Have you ever found $20 on the ground, took a look around and swiped it up into your claws and made a wallet deposit? Lots of people find money here and there in their life, BUT have you every found $10,000 in your bank account!!!!

Holy mother of mayonnaise - Adam looked at his account today to find that someone put 10 big meow meows in there! YES… Finally this guy gets a break, it must be a relative or a refund from an insurance policy or something. Now with 10k Adam can get a new car or have a Vacation or better yet pay some bills!

So, in true Adam fashion since he is a man of honor… He called the bank to make sure this wasn’t a mix up and this money wasn’t someone else’s. Well do you really need to read on? The bank made a big mistake and the money went to the wrong Adam… Some guy with the last name of Loggs really owned the money and the bank messed up.

So did Adam’s bank say sorry or thank you for helping them fix this, NO! They just tried to get him off the phone as fast as they could!

So there is another day in the life of Adam.

Adam told us another story today from his youth. When Adam was a kid he used to go to the boys and girls club like a lot of other kids, but Adam didn’t care for the structured activities… Like interacting with the sub humans and shuffle board… Adam was born an old soul and the children’s games were just that to Adam.

When Adam got a little bigger he told his mom that he wasn’t going anymore! So Adam’s mom brought him to work with her one day after school to hang out with her co-workers, the co- workers asked Adam if he ever played Checkers; Adam had never played Checkers so they thought they’d teach him. Like most kids that learned how to play Checkers you’d have your grandfather let you win all the games and encourage you, this didn’t happen at Adam’s mom’s work!

They co-workers of Adam’s mom keeped beating Adam over and over again, never letting him win and always shouting King Me!!! Adam wanted to stop playing but they wouldn’t let him stop… Three hours of shouting from 10 co-workers… King Me! King Me! Maybe this is why he’s always crying?